Better than Family Feud ... Geeves offers his take on it. Source: Colleen Petch / News Limited
As Eddie McGuire used to say "what a week it's been in football". Watching from home, Mick Malthouse would frown, turn to his wife and say "make us a cuppa would ya darl, so I can throw it at the screen and then stomp up and down on the shards of TV glass screaming I DON'T WANNA BREAK BREAD WITH YOU!".
This has turned into one of the greatest feuds in AFL history. As far as marking a feud goes, you look for longevity, spite, public comment from a family member and as soon as someone uses terms that include "the humanity", you know you're looking at a feud deeper than the noise that followed an incorrect guess on Family Feud - bahbow.
Malthouse v McGuire is ticking all those boxes. There was even some "don't divide me from my best friends" back in 2012. A schoolyard cliché, yet so beautiful. Relationship breakdowns are not uncommon in professional sporting environments. But this seems to be at an unprecedented level.
Alastair Clarkson and Jeff Kennett are said to have a very similar relationship, the difference being that Clarkson has never been keen to publically speak about the rift, meaning that any negativity that came from Kennett was hit with stone wall defence and fell off the media radar. The type of stone walling that made Geoff Boycott famous.
Take a look at the events of this week. Kennett calls for Clarkson to be stood down as coach of the Hawks. This comment is given no media attention from Clarkson. Kennett sends Clarkson a text of apology; leaves a voice message, shoots off an email and as a last resort; releases the messenger pigeons.
Zero replies are forthcoming and even though Clarkson's house now needs to be repainted as a result of 450 pigeons hovering over his house for eight hours, the deafening silence sends Kennett back into his shell. He panics and makes a public apology on TV and radio, faxes an apology through to all print media, and is no doubt genuinely sorry for speaking like an irrational and passionate supporter, as opposed the former Premier of Victoria, former President of Hawthorn, and respected Chairman of Beyond Blue, who should know better than to offer up such naughtiness.
If Mick or Eddie had Clarko's back, with a duck like ability to not hold water, they would have been able to keep their very public dislike of each other in house, rather than the offering of a WWF like storyline that has unfolded before us over the past three years. Silence is the goose that laid the golden egg. Or had two in the bush or something like it.
HAIRY ISSUE
Melbourne Demons hit all-time lows over the weekend when at least five of their players ran onto the MCG with awful beards. Now, wearing a beard is terrific. I am a beard wearer myself. Personally, my beard is to cover my extra chins and give the appearance that I am, in fact, slim. Every beard wearer strives for a well-shaped, full beard - that will give the appeal that you carry more testosterone than other men.
But when it gets to the stage that a family of red breasted robins have taken solace in there and are claiming political asylum from their troubled tree; that's when you have an issue. It's not possible to play good football when you have a family of birds cooking dinner and watching TV in your beard.
Take a look at Kade Simpson and his beard. His beard is so big that two families are splitting the rent and on Friday night they had another family over for a giant game of Twister. The result was Kade falling 20 short of his FOX FOOTY SuperCoach average from last year, Carlton losing their round-one match and the parents of the three families putting the kids to bed early and kicking on into the evening watching the entire first series of Revenge. Those Robins are crazy, man.
Advice to the Demons. Get rid of the beards, because Wayne Carey says so.
DEAR MRP, THANK YOU
The Match Review Panel has stolen my heart with its decision to allow Lindsay Thomas to play next week. This incident, last year, would have seen Thomas suspended for four weeks, get a smack on the bum from his old man and a written essay to be delivered verbally to his team mates on why he acted like a such a punk.
This precedent takes footy to a new level. The bump is back and that has all of us excited, except for the players that dislike physical contact. All we need now is for this outrageous below the knee rule to be banished and we are getting back to what footy should look like.
I was interested in a story told by Collingwood captain, Nick Maxwell, about how he has had to change his game since knocking out Patrick McGinnity with a fair hip and shoulder during 2009 season. The result of this was the AFL creating a rule to stop the off-the-ball bump.
MRP Chairman Mark Fraser, God bless him and his beautiful socks, looks like he may have just overturned this rule.
Maxwell said that on the weekend he had the opportunity to clean up Daniel Wells in what would have been a fair hit. Rather than blindside Wells with a whack, Maxwell yelled out to Wells that he was coming, to alert him to the fact that he was about to steamroll him.
Well, the respect that I never had for Nick Maxwell* came flooding back when I heard this story. Here is a bloke that has made his AFL career on being a hard man. Straight lines and back with the flight and all the hard stuff that most of us would never do. So when he openly admits that he has had to resort to this type of pandering, for guys that lack the 360 (Monday to Thursday, FOX FOOTY, 7.30pm) awareness in the contest required to not get whacked; changes need to be made and Mark Fraser is the man for change.
*I do respect Nick Maxwell. Like the way he goes about it. Doesn't make for much of a yarn though does it.
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