AFL Outsider: game on the slide

Arrest the slide ... Brent Reilly goes in hard, low, and illegally. Source: Simon Cross / News Limited

Brett Geeves, the AFL Outsider, is back for a second crack at writing a footy column. This week it's coins, slides, and beat ups.

Last week

, I mentioned the amount of money being made by current CEO Andrew Demetriou. It is somewhere in excess of $5,500 per day. Enough to pull Syria out of trouble. Enough for a 1997 Mitsubishi FTO DE3A GP Version R. Enough to pay cash for a $330,000 three-bedroom house in Ringwood, after only 60 days of savings.

The AFL is awash with cash. Only this week, they announced a record $425 million was distributed to the clubs. Of course, not evenly.

The have-nots are still lining up at Andrew's soup kitchen in the hope of pulling off their best Oliver Twist impersonations.

"Please sir, may I have some more?" "MORE?" "Rack off Kochy, go and find your pal Paul Clitheroe and pester him for a minute about money."

So, someone please explain to me how at the opening game of the season, the most anticipated game of the summer, number one, the big dance, the game that was watched by every football fan in the country and the Tanzanian soccer-loving street kids; there was no coin. No coin. No coin to uphold the act of deciding which team kicks to which end, allowing a teams supporters to feel they have gained an early victory when their skipper puffs his chest out and points with an exaggerated and testosterone driven gesture at the end he would like to kick.

Of course, I refer to the coin toss, that is heavily reliant on ... a coin.

Quick thinking by the umpire saved the day and the poor lady who had won the right to be involved in one of the game's great traditions had to hold the umpires whistle in her hand and jiggle it behind her back. Jobe Watson had to guess which hand the whistle was in and he guessed incorrectly, allowing Adelaide skipper Nathan Van Berlo to get his choice of ends.

Now, the suspicious Crows hater inside me wants me to say that this was rigged and the lass pulled the oldest trick in the school yard on an unsuspecting Essendon skipper. The ole switcheroo. We've all been blindsided by it at some stage, normally meaning that we would have to bowl first and our older brother would bat until he was 7-560, only calling an end to the days play once A Country Practice had started.

Are we crystal balling into the future of professional sport? Are schoolyard rules likely to be applied to sports all over the world?

Imagine Allan Border setting the scene for day one: "We cross down to the two captains who are with Mathew Hayden for the flip of the bat."

Michael Clarke: "We'll take flats thanks, Mahendra." Sneakily, Dhoni rolls the bat so flats are pointing to the ground, ensuring that hills will be the result.

Winner of the 2009 Paper, Scissors, Rock World Championships, Tim Conrad, is said to putting himself into next year's AFL Rookie Draft in the hope that his craft is chosen to replace the more traditional coin toss of AFL.

Message to Andy D - seriously mate, surely there are enough coins on the floor of your Merc or in the utilities pouch of your golf bag to cover the cost of all games throughout the season. Ten cents per game will only cost you $39.60 ... I fink.

Arrest the slide

Moving onto more pressing issues, this sliding rule is going to destroy my soul. And if I continue writing for foxsports.com.au about AFL, it will end up destroying you, too. Accept my advanced apology.

We've all seen the footage of Brent Reilly rolling his way through a pack, with the ball in his possession, knocking over an unaware Alwyn Davey because of the resultant contact with his shins.

Say that out loud. "Reilly had possession of the football and hit Davey on the shins." Take a deep breath. "This is a free kick." Now go and punch something really hard.

For the record, I don't profess to be a football expert. My expertise is in barbecue chips. If you blindfold me, I can tell you a Smith's from a Samboy ... by the sound of the bag being opened.

I, like you, am just a frustrated supporter of the game. A supporter that cannot see the benefits of this rule. OK, I can see that it may prevent the occasional broken tibia and fibula.

But if you watch the injury to Gary Rohan, this was caused by the opposing player sliding in feet first to protect the space surrounding the footy.

So, why not make that the rule? You slide into a player that doesn't have possession of the footy and you don't have possession yourself, then by all means, award a free kick. But don't ever go against the play makers and those in possession of the footy. This goes against the fabric of the game that is so often referred to by past players.

The beat ups

Listening to the football media, every game this week is a crunch game. I've heard the term "season defining" used by a few. Surely a loss in round one of 22 isn't ending your season. Surely it can't snuff your momentum either. Surely we can be honest enough to get away from this type of review.

Sydney v Western Sydney: Blockbuster this one. GWS will be up for the fight against last year's premiers in the hometown derby. Watch for the developing bodies of this young list. They are ready to blossom and the inclusion of 10 more rookies will only further bolster their depth. They will more than push Sydney in what should be an absolute blockbuster.

Um, no they won't. They will be unmercifully pummeled by a team that is forever hungry for a contest. Sydney could be playing the Bowral Primary School year four girls team and John Longmire would still demand his tackling KPI's be met. Why can't we just be honest and say this? GWS will get thumped..

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