Growing rap sheet ... Suarez could miss Uruguay's crunch games. Source: Victor R. Caivano / AP
Welcome to Paper Talk - your wrap of the best yarns and videos doing the rounds.
Paper Talk begins this week in Santiago, where the cameras didn’t miss football’s famous antagonist Luis Suarez losing his cool during Uruguay’s 2-0 loss to Chile in a World Cup qualifier.
Suarez couldn't help himself, and was caught on camera trying to land a punch on Gonzalo Jara.
The referee missed the incident, but retrospective action over the clash could take place, leaving the Liverpool striker in doubt for his country's remaining qualifiers.
Suarez doesn't exactly need another example to add to his rap sheet. But while we're on topic, how about this vision that emerged last weekend from a joint session between Liverpool's men and women.
Yeah, it's a cheap shot by Paper Talk. But we weren't the ones lunging late into a female during a game of keep ball! Fortunately, it all ended in laughs at the club's Melwood training ground.
URUGUAY, IRAN, AUSTRALIA ...
Don't mention those three countries in the same sentence, pleeeasse!
But Suarez could be missing from a Uruguay outfit now sixth in South American World Cup qualification, outside the top-four automatic spots.
The fifth-placed team faces a showdown against an Asian opponent.
Now, despite all the doom and gloom in the wash-up to the Socceroos' draw with Oman, automatic qualification should still be in Australia's hands with two home wins in June.
But, a slip-up, and a third spot in the group, could see Holger Osieck's side in an initial play-off against - gulp - Iran.
Iran for the right to play Uruguay? Our football lives flashing befor our lives?
Please, let's get the job done in June!
BOYS, THIS IS HOW YOU PASS
Argentina are in super touch in South America, with the likes of Fernando Gago, Angel Di Maria, Sergio Aguero and Gonzalo Higuain complementing Lionel Messi's work - despite struggling in the Bolivian altitude.
Back in Europe, and Messi's Spanish Barcelona teammates will return to Camp Nou relieved after silencing the sceptics with a 1-0 win over France in qualifying.
The world champions were precariously placed going into the match - a loss would have had them five points behind the group leaders.
But, as ever, Vincente del Bosque's side rose to the moment.
How about this extraordinary stat, courtesy of The Guardian. In the 11 knockout games Spain have played since the Euro 2008 quarter-final against Italy (including this week's game as a 'knock-out' clash, for argument's sake), they have won all 11, without conceding a single goal in over 1000 minutes.
Now, France are the team in a quandary, with a potential World Cup play-off against England looming should results not change.
"Nobody wants to be in the play-offs but the fact is that in the World Cup qualifiers, only one team qualifies (automatically from the group)," said England manager Roy Hodgson. "And, in the play-offs, it's going to be a good team because in every group there are at least two good teams."
In the absence of Barclays Premier League action, England's media have spent the week comparing notes with Australia's press, examining the malaise of their national team.
Steven Gerrard even admitted they switched off and stopped playing in their 1-1 draw with Montenegro.
But we digress. If you want fluent passing football, enjoy this clip courtesy of Barcelona's ladies side. Boys, this is how you do it!
HIGH FOOT FEVER
What's with the high-foot fever at the moment?
Nani started it a few weeks back and there have been sightings all around the globe.
Hats off to Ukraine's Taras Stepanenko for his hamstring flexibility - but a straight red was the least the referee could dish out to him for smashing Moldovan defender Vitalie Bordian in the scone.
Not much more to be said; check it out.
YES WAY, JOSE
Jose Mourinho has told Sky Sports he loves London, he will return to the Premier League and, most intriguingly, he will not rule out a return to Chelsea.
The former Chelsea manager was spotted sneaking into Stamford Bridge to sample the friendly between Brazil and Russia.
"I cannot deny that, despite this weather, I love it here, and as I said I have a house and I have big emotional connections with Chelsea and one day I think naturally I will have to be back to English football, or to Chelsea or to another club.
"Of course, Chelsea means to me differently than other clubs. Chelsea is in my heart as Inter is for example.
"One day I have to be back but again it is normal that I am in London. The same way I walk in my home city in Portugal, people see that as normal and this is normal, the same thing is normal when I am in London."
MORE MONEY TO TEMPT MANCINI - BUT NOT IN MANCHESTER
The Daily Mirror reports that French club Monaco are trying to tempt Roberto Mancini to gamble on a move to Ligue 1.
He has reportedly been offered a £170m transfer fund by Russian billionaire owner Dmitry Rybolovlev, the 97th richest man in the world, according to Forbes, who wants to offer a three-year deal worth £22m in wages.
Rybololev wants to pitch Monaco, on the cusp of promotion from Ligue 2 under Claudio Ranieri, in a duel with Paris Saint Germain in the money-bag stakes.
MADRID CAN FINALLY GET THEIR MAN
Sergio Aguero isn't happy in Manchester, according to reports in England, and Real Madrid are ready to rescue him.
They couldn't land the striker they have coveted for years because he played for local rivals Atletico, who wouldn't dare sell their star to their neighbours.
So a move to Manchester is the break in the chain they were waiting for, and £45million - and potentially Karim Benzema or Gonzalo Higuain - is being readied to make the deal happen.
TOURE DENIAL - 'FOR THE MOMENT'
This looks, um, re-assuring for City fans. For the moment.
Yaya Toure: "I am not heading for PSG. I have not given any agreement with any club. I am a City player for the moment."
UNITED CLEAR OUT
The Guardian also reports that Sir Alex Ferguson is getting ready to clear the decks.
"Manchester United are having a £60m summer clearout and Anderson, Antonio Valencia, Javier Hernández and Nani have to go!"
Players out, who comes in? I wonder ...
ONE FOR THE HAPPY HACKERS
It wouldn't be Paper Talk without a miss or two to make us all feel a little better about ourselves ...
BUT WATCH THIS ...
And I bet you won't be feeling as good. Back to the practice pitch!
MARIO'S MOMENT
"When you are dealing with a talent like this, you just need patience," Italy coach Cesare Prandelli told reporters on Wednesday.
"The moment eventually comes when the talent has to take on his share of the responsibility and stand on his own feet. This is the right moment for Balotelli.
"I have to compliment him on his relaxed approach, his belief and his quality."
VILLA NEED TO KEEP BENTEKE
The Daily Mail reports that Tottenham are among the clubs chasing Aston Villa striker Christian Benteke, while Borussia Dortmund have their eye on Andreas Weimann, who has impressed in recent weeks as well.
Paul Lambert is desperate not to lose his marksman, but with Inter Milan and Manchester City also circling around the Belgian, the relegation battlers will hope the striker can keep focused over a crucial few months at Villa Park.
TERRY TO FOLLOW DIDIER?
John Terry's best days at Chelsea are behind him, and maybe he's taken note of Didier Drogba's move to Turkey with Galatasaray.
The Daily Mail has linked the Chelsea skipper with a move to Fenerbahce, saying: "the Turkish side are eager to compete with rivals Galatasaray for big-name signings and have earmarked the 32-year-old as a potential recruit.
"Terry still has a year left on contract and will wait until the summer before making any decision on whether to leave Stamford Bridge."
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